Praying for Poop: A Tribute to Mamas

*FULL DISCLOSURE THIS IS A LONG ONE*

Lucy didn’t poop for ten days when we brought her home. I was a wreck. From the time I decided that I was ready to have a baby, I prayed for her. For almost three years, I prayed, cried, yelled and argued with my husband because God wasn’t answering my prayer. He knew I wasn’t ready yet (another story for another day), but I still prayed. When she finally arrived, my prayer life changed DRASTICALLY. I no longer was praying for her conception and well-being in the womb. I started praying multiple times a day that God would make me a great mom, that He would keep her safe and healthy and that He would make this child have a bowel movement. In hindsight, Lucy finally pooping was minuscule compared to the things to come that made me worry as a mother, but I was well-prepared because I had God on my side, a supportive husband and daddy and an army of women who had raised me and trained me for this very season that I am in.

My mama says often that I’m way more of a mother than what she was. Sometimes when I hear her say this, I want to gloat and give myself a pat on the back for the praise and recognition, especially when I feel like I’m failing in one or more areas of my daily living and just can’t keep up. In reality, though, my mama, like so many others in my life, far surpassed my mothering abilities in how she raised me. Each person in my life was instrumental in helping me to reach each milestone that I needed to to become the adult, wife, mother and professional that I am today. Where it takes a village to raise a child, men and women both, I’m especially thankful to the mamas out there who helped bring me up. As I reflect on this upcoming Mothers Day, I can’t help but pay some respect to the ladies in my life who truly taught me what being a God-fearing woman and mom should be all about.

My mama was in that generation of women who really started to branch out of their place being in the home and become a part of the workforce. Not only did my mama start her own business of producing a quality publication that was her very own magazine, work long and late hours proofing, calling advertisers and meeting her never-ending deadlines, she also kept our home immaculate, our bellies full with home-cooked meals and our bodies cared for and clothed from head to toe. Really, my mama kept up with the previous generation’s expectations of mothers in the home and the present generation’s expectation that women and mothers could work a 40+ hour week job. She did it all. And she did it with as much grace and love as she absolutely could.

Mama didn’t have all the odds in her favor. She had some family cycles to break. She, too had a mother who clothed her well, fed her (y’all, my Granny T’s cooking is legendary) and made sure that she was regularly in church and school. But, due to a family history of various forms of abuse, my granny had her own demons to fight off and, as a result, wasn’t always able to support my mama emotionally and mentally. It’s a curse that every family has seen in some form or another, and my granny wasn’t entirely to blame. I believe with my whole heart that my granny chose to walk closely with Jesus and break some of the cycles of abuse that she endured and witnessed, but she wasn’t able to fully overcome some of those parts of her upbringing when it came to how she handled her own stress of being a mother and wife (and ALLLL the mamas out there know just how stressful it can be at times). Because my granny didn’t always have examples of what unconditional love was, I feel that it was very difficult for her at times to express that to her children. My mama, like her mama, definitely had her fair share of suffering from this history, but tried her very best to continue to break the chains of her background for the sake of her children and spouse. And, she did it well. She has said many times that I have mothering abilities that she never possessed when it comes to nurturing and patience. Now, if one of us threw up, her sense of nurture went straight out the window. Luckily, she married a wonderful man who became the best daddy in many areas, including cleaning up my (and now my child’s) vomit. But my mama taught herself how to love and nurture. It came through teaching (and singing to) us about Jesus, back tickles, lunch and shopping trips to our favorite little city of Athens, yard selling ventures, special traditions that she faithfully upheld throughout each year for this occasion or that, meals, a clean home and a faith-centered upbringing. She also taught me to love and respect myself and my body, and taught me that keeping myself up was one of the greatest confidence boosters out there. My mama may have lacked in some areas as a mama, as we all will, but she outdid herself in WAY more areas than she lacked. I cook for my family because of my mama. I attempt (and fail) at keeping a tidy home because of my mama. I hustle to get what I want because of my mama. I love my husband and children because of my mama’s (and daddy’s) example. I am largely the mother I am today because of my mama.

I can’t write this entry (novel) without mentioning others in my life who contributed to my success as a woman, wife and parent. I was lucky to have not one, not two, but three grandmothers growing up. My Granny H taught me what true nurturing and love looked like, because she knew Jesus and lived her life walking as close to Him as she could. She taught me how to be frugal. She taught me how to make “beat up egg” sandwiches (a staple for my house even today). And, she taught me that I better not let anyone take advantage of my time or my money. She was a true lover, thigh meat getter, and body squeezer. She was always in my corner and will always be in my heart. My Granny T is credited for teaching me generations worth of cooking skills, how to show true, southern hospitality, how to make a house a home and how to take pride in how I presented myself. She would house and feed ministers and their families, prepare meals for armies of church folks and community members and always kept a cozy, inviting home, all while looking fabulous and well-kept. Her love and talent for music was definitely passed down to me and has helped contribute to my professional career today as a teacher and music minister. And my Grandma Glenda. She stepped in the year of my birth and has been present ever since. She showered her children and grandchildren with love, grace and care from day one. She has been a true gift to my Papa T and has been a role model for me. Her love for Jesus, conservative living, fine china and knowing how to make a dining table look like a magazine cover are just a few of the gifts that she has passed to me. She was the first person I ever knew to drink sweet tea for breakfast and taught me to always pack a cooler of snacks for a road trip. She taught me how to set a proper table and how to be a gracious hostess. And she was a total math whiz and is also partly credited for my choosing teaching as a career. I have been blessed with truly GRAND mothers.

My list could literally go on infinitively from my beautiful aunts and great aunts on both of my parents’ sides of the family, showering me with true, unfiltered love and adoration, to my mother-in-law who demonstrates daily what it looks like to go to the ends of the earth for her children and their well being (even when I complain about her precious baby boy, she is there to defend his honor *cue eye roll*). I could talk for years about how my sister-in-laws have helped me immensely throughout my journey as a mother with endless advice, listening, tons of “I promise Lucy is going to be ok” talks and just being willing to be there and available when I needed them. And, even though her motherhood journey has not yet begun, my baby sister has been my laughter, my venting vessel and my “let’s just hang and eat bad things” buddy ever since I decided that she, indeed was NOT put on this earth to solely ruin my life. It’s also been terribly fun re-living my young adult years through her and watching her grow into the woman and professional that she has become.

All of these and so many others have helped bring me to my second Mother’s Day. The Emily Phillips, Loraine Meltons, Nell Harstfields, Donna Toneys, Ann Bryants, Dinah Rioses, teachers, mentors and SO many others who served as spiritual leaders, educational leaders, and second mothers have brought me here. I could weep with thankfulness. I’ve been taught how to demonstrate my strength as a woman. I’ve been taught to use my God-given traits as a woman to love and nurture. I’ve been taught how to keep a home, family and career, all at one time. I’ve been taught how to lift my hands in surrender to the God who created me when motherhood becomes overwhelming and know that He has me in His hand. I can do all these things, first and foremost because God said I can, but also because of the many women that I had in my life to help to pave the way for me.

If you didn’t have one of these women in your life, no matter your age, I would encourage you to find one. Become friends (mine are pretty great) with women who lift you up, and move out of corners where women tear down other women. Put your phones away trying to capture the perfect “story” or insta-post and quit looking at what some like to paint as parenting perfection on their social media accounts, news articles and/or public appearances, and stay in touch with reality. All of us have had poop on our face, throw-up in our hair and physical and emotional scars from being a parent. These things do not make us weak or failures, but make us beautiful, strong and courageous. They make us real humans and exactly how our creator intended us to be. And, when you feel like you’ve exhausted all of your resources and are down to your last wire, remember that God equipped you for such a time as this, and there is no prayer unheard or too small, even if you’re praying for poop. Happy Mother’s Day! I leave you with this beautiful scripture:

Proverbs 31: 25-30

Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come. She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: “Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.”